Submitted by Brenton
As always when you find out you’re expecting you’re filled with joy, excitement, and anticipation. You start praying for the little life growing inside, praying for health, protection, safety, and a smooth pregnancy without any hiccups. For some reason that’s everything we didn’t get, Jeremiah’s and our story is very different. The first part of the pregnancy was fairly uneventful, much the same as Miriam’s. We worked on getting Miriam used to sleeping in the toddler bed instead of the cot. We practiced having her walk instead of use the pram. We read books to her about babies, although we knew it was going over her head. We were so excited to watch them grow up together. That all changed after Alana’s 20 week scan.
Alana was referred to the Maternal Fetal Medicine unit at Flinders. During her appointment she was told his prognosis was extremely poor and it was suggested to end the pregnancy. Brenton was working in Clare, 155km away. Most of you know his diagnosis, a little blockage in the urethra stopping urine flow, damaging kidneys and stopping the amniotic fluid which helps with lung development. Barring a miracle, our dear little boy had no chance. The medical team told us he wouldn’t survive, unfortunately they weren’t wrong.
We decided to continue, in hope that we would meet him for just a few minutes and hear him cry.
We transferred our care to the Woman’s and Children’s Hospital and had check-ups every three weeks. We had regular scans and every time we’d be told things like “his heart is strong” or “his brain is developing correctly.” But we could see the massive black blob in the middle of his body which we knew was his very full bladder. Our hearts broke repeatedly. After the scans we’d see a specialist obstetrician only to be told more of what we already knew. It was exhausting. We just wanted it to be over. The anticipation was killing us. We knew one day we’d feel better, we’d never stop grieving or missing him, but someday we’d have a new normal and we’d be ok. We needed to get though labour and delivery first. And his death.
At our last appointment we were given an induction date, we were dreading it, and terrified. The next day Alana went into labour. He came on his own terms. We heard him cry and he passed safely in Alana’s arms. He was at peace. We love him and always will.
A poem by an unknown author:-
They say memories are golden
Well maybe that is true.
We never wanted memories,
We only wanted you.
A million times we needed you,
A million times we have cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You would have never died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our heart you hold a special place,
That none will ever fill.
It broke our heart to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
For all our love went with you
The day God called you home.
Sad Dads Club 